As I travelled home from work on my daily train commute the other day, I realised how fucked up my life is. I feel like I’ve made many bad decisions in life and even regret a few things. Things I should’ve said, things I should’ve done and things I definitely shouldn’t have done.
I know I need to stop dwelling on the past and think about the here and now, and my future. But I can’t, because the past has messed me up good and proper. I also know that I can’t cry anymore, like I’m pretty sure my body will run out of tears soon and it’s bloody exhausting.
I’m not into all this happy clappy mindfulness shit but something needs to happen because right now, I’m far from happy and there’s no use in pretending that I am. Even as I write this, I want to be positive, I want to feel excited about my future and how I’m going to grow as a person but my mind is constantly reminded of the pain I feel. And I can see no way out. But I do know that if I continue to let my mind think like that, I’ll end up in an even darker place than I am now, and I definitely wouldn’t be able to handle that.
So here I am, ready to start a ‘journey’ and hopefully make some changes to my life that will make me happier, mainly about myself, and become the beautiful me I know I can be (which I would already be if only I could be bothered!) I’ve bought a tonne of self-help books and I’m ready to take on their advice.
So welcome to my blog ‘help me!’ where I do indeed intend to help me to be happy and love life, because that’s what everyone wants right? This blog is mainly for me (selfish, I know) to air my thoughts, ideas and experiences and who knows, it may help you too – or you might just like reading about my misfortune. Either way, hello and enjoy.